The BugKawa Invasion
by McJunker
Summary: A radio operator on Klendathu gets slaphappy over the net.


I stared at the computer screen, chin leaning heavy on my right fist. The last time I had glanced at the clock on the wall, it had been 4835L. I was determined to last at least five minutes before looking again.

My record that night was eight minutes. My all time record was twenty. I thought that I might be losing a little more sanity every night I was the radio operator for Rico's Roughnecks.

Klendathu. Bloodiest planet in the known universe. Tens of millions valid targets scurrying about. Daily skirmishes numbering in the hundreds across the battlespace. And there was _nothing_ going on at nights on our area of operations. Nothing at _all_.

"Roughneck base, Roughneck base, this is Roughneck 2-6 romeo, radio check."

Alright, I lied. There's radio checks. _Wheeeeee..._

My callsign was Roughneck base. Roughneck 2-6 romeo was the radio operator for 2nd squad's sergeant. He wanted to make sure our radios were working. That's as exciting as things get around here. Man, day shift gets to call in airstrikes, and coordinate attacks and hot extracts, and all the cool stuff. I have to do radio checks.

Without letting my eyes cross the clock's face, I swept up the receiver and jammed it up against my mouth. "2-6 romeo, base, roger."

"Roger out."

My eyes went to the clock against my will. 4844L. Nine minutes. Not bad. I stuck my hand in my utility pouch strapped to my leg and scooped some CaffJump pills out. Those little red pills could keep a man awake for over 80 hours if he takes enough of them. Before the Bug War, they were used as a study aid by students and to interrogate political prisoners. Lethal overdose is said to be impossible, though you certainly won't enjoy the experiment.

I would literally shoot my own brother for a book to read.

"Roughneck base, Roughneck 6 alpha, radio check." Lt. Rico himself, out in sector, waiting for an attack that will never happen on my watch. But if it does, we'll have comms with him.

"Roughneck 6 alpha, Roughneck base, roger."

I checked the time again. 4846L. About sixteen hours before my shift is up, because each day on Klendathu is about fifty earth-hours long- I'm on from 3830L till 1230L, daily. Why did I join the MI, again?

* * *

_Bing! _Update sound.

I checked the Transnet, where every unit within a thousand klicks shares the same message board. It's where I post any patrol updates and significant acts and so on. So does everyone else online. So it's a handy little tool for keeping everybody up to dat and on the bounce.

[[Razorback_RTO]]: **Two kawas traveling at unusually high speed, ivo GRID 23L XZ 9888 6625**

I checked the map automatically. XZ 9888 6625 is on a game trail about twenty klicks to my west. Then I did a double take and reread the message.

Kawas? They're flightless birds about a meter high. Totally harmless, unless you're a fruit or vegetable. Why on earth would he put that up on Transnet...?

I pulled out the Battalion sigacts sheet and scanned it. No mention of kawas. I had thought maybe the Bugs were like, I don't know, using the kawas as living breeding factories, or as proxy psychic scouts, or something. No theory I could come up with was dumber than having them mentioned on the Transnet.

I glanced at the clock. 4854L. I shrugged and resumed my drug fueled vigil.

_Bing!_

[[Razorback_Battle_NCO]]: **STAND EASY MEN KAWAS HAVE LEFT GAME TRAIL HEADED SW OUT OF AO WE SALUTE YOU FOR FOR YOUR COURAGE IN FACE OF KAWA THREAT**

I blinked. What the heck...?

My mind put the pieces together. The battalion RTO pulled a stupid, reported something pointless and unnecessary. The Sergeant Major chewed him out, then mocked him on Transnet so that everyone else would know that it wasn't something to worry about.

I pulled out the keyboard and typed;

[[Roughnecks_RTO]]: **THANK GOD, WE'RE SAVED**

I giggled wildly to myself. I had been awake just a little too long, and slaphappiness was kicking in.

_Bing!_

[[Jaguars_Battle_NCO]]: **WE HAVE OUR MORTARS LAID IN THAT DIRECTION, WE'LL KEEP THEM THERE JUST IN CASE**

And an instant later; _Bing!_

[[Buenes_Aires_Airfield_RTO]]: **We can have birds on station in five minutes if kawas make another pass.**

I laughed aloud, losing my composure a little. Razorback RTO was never going to live this down.

_Bing!_

[[Jaguars_Battle NCO]]: **ROGER LOL**

I typed;

[[Roughnecks_RTO]]: **THOSE CUNNING KAWAS HAVE CLEARLY LEARNED OUR AOs, AND THEYRE USING THEM TO PROTECT THEMSELVES. DO WE KNOW IF THEY'VE ALLIED WITH THE BUGS? ? ?**

I popped another two CaffJumps and printed a quick snapshot of the screen. Lt. Rico was going to love this.

_Bing!_

[[MI_Intel_COIC]]: **Those are definitely bugkawas, I've seen the video and it's obvious from the way they waddled**

I laughed. I roared. I fell out of my darn chair and rolled around, unable to breathe, pounding the ground with a gloved fist, rubbing my forehead against the floor. CaffJumps also remove inhibitions with enough doses, and I'd had quite a few.

* * *

"Roughneck base, Roughneck base, Tower One, radio check."

"Tower One, base, roger."

I had recovered by now. I glanced up at the clock and saw that it was 0017L.

One hour, twenty three minutes. New all time record, for the win. I got up out of the RTO chair and carefully pinned the entire Transnet conversation on the wall, where everyone who entered the HQ would see it. I stretched, popped another little red pill, and settled back down in front of the computer screens and radios.

About twelve hours till shift change. A month and a half before I'm switched out to the front lines and see some actual action. One year before we redeploy back home.

It was comforting to know that other MI are out there on night shift getting slaphappy too.


End file.
